So the Fourth of July is already here and no doubt somebody you know has already visited the nearest firework stand and purchased a near illegal a mount of fireworks. Fireworks are nice to look at and maybe fun to ignite if you are a pyro at heart. Some of us used to like fireworks until one day we were traumatized by a near explosion to the face or hand. It is because of these experiences that I present to you my 5 most dangerous fireworks in the wooooorld.
#5 Black Cats
These classic fireworks deliver a loud bang with a pretty good level of destruction. I remember tying these suckers up to my G.I. Joes and pretending my SR-71 Blackbird was delivering a load of carpet bombing to Cobra Commander and his goons. What makes these dangerous is if you were dumb enough or unlucky enough to hold one in your hand as it went off, you’d experience a lot of pain as well as feelings off loss over your newly missing fingers.
Chasers seem to do exactly as advertised. I remember one summer my cousins lit up a whole bunch of chasers and all hell broke loose. Women were screaming, grown men were hiding under cars, and children were crying as the chasers caused chaos up and down the street. They whistle loudly as they fly around in a random path. These things have been known to burn and mentally scar their victims. I for one am scarred and the mere sound of a chaser whistle sends me running.
#3. Bottle Rockets
These are probably the most widely used fireworks because they shoot straight up and explode in a beautiful display. It’s the closest thing you can come to what you see on tv. Ok, a very watered down version but still they are nice. What makes bottle rockets dangerous is when people shoot them horizontally instead of make them go vertical. I’ve read about people dying because of this. Maybe it’s stupid people that make these dangerous. Either way they are fast and explosive, hence the work “rocket” in their name. So, if you are stupid please keep away from these.
You may be asking yourself how can this be #2? Well as an adult I am sure you are more than capable to wield a sparkler without injuring yourself but as a kid maybe you weren’t the brightest sparkler in the box. As kids you don’t see the real danger or maybe don’t believe its real fire. So while you are attempting to cut off your Brother SkyWalker’s hand or trying to cast an Expecto Patronus charm at your friends, somebody is bound to get burned. That’s when somebody cries and you all get in trouble. This is why sparklers are dangerous. So remember this while you are drunk and twirling sparklers around trying to spell out your name in the air.
#1. Roman (Georgia) Candles
Yes these are the most dangerous in the world. So please do not fire these up in the air while singing “Fortunate Son” and waving your confederate flag in the air. No matter where you live or who you are, do not fire these in the air. Yes, we have the right to own guns but be responsible and wave a sparkler instead.
I hope you have learned something today and have a new found respect for fireworks. Be safe, enjoy the holiday, and watch out for chasers.